My baby is asleep.
I’ve had breakfast. I’ve done the housework. I even had the opportunity to sit in the sun and finish the book I was reading whilst Leo played in her baby gym.
Life feels good.
Later I’m going to practice yoga, eat lunch and go for a walk on the beach.
But right now I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee and a sense that I should “do something”, you know “be productive”. WHY? Why do I have to feel that way? If I sat down on the sofa and scrolled through instagram and facebook, I would feel like I wasted my time when Leo wakes up. I will feel bad that I didn’t “accomplish” anything.
I know this is the way we have been programed by society. Always a to-do list, always goals to reach, always something.
This is becoming even more clear now that I’m “just at home with the baby”. It’s not that anyone else have told me I should get things done. I don’t believe anyone would be judging me if I chose to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix all day (which does happen, by the way). Being a mum is a hard and important job, and I feel like the people around me are totally on board with that notion. This nagging feeling of “should should should” is definitely coming from the inside.
And I’m torn between wanting to ignore it and just embrace “being not doing” and seeing it as motivation to actually get shit done. Edit the book. Think of a business plan. Read up on how to invest money. Deepen my knowledge of yoga. Learn a new language. There’s so much stuff that I could do.
And writing a blogpost is one of them, I suppose. Because I do love writing. And I want to get better at it. And in order to get better at anything you have to practice.
Also, in the end of the day, I’m grateful for the days where I even have the time to sit around and think about this stuff, to get “bored”, to have a gap where it’s even possible to consider getting other stuff than “mumming” done.
And on that note, Leo is waking up, duty calls, time to go.
Till next time.